


the scoundrel’s guide to sex

by stungun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternative Universe - Kingdom, Bandits & Outlaws, Bounty Hunters, Humor, M/M, Magic, Monsters, Porn With Plot, Smut, Wizards, author tried to be funny here, overuse of the word fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:53:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24355375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stungun/pseuds/stungun
Summary: Step 1: Fuck your crew leader.Step 2: Fuck the local bounty hunter.Step 3: Oh fuck.(In which Hinata Shouyou –– outlaw, monsterfucker and sexual misfit –- makes a mistake and a half)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 18
Kudos: 77





	the scoundrel’s guide to sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is SO different from my first fic LMAO i've been stuck in a bit of a writer's block the past two weeks and kinda wanted to write something fun for myself so i settled on a fantasy atsuhina/kagehina au :'D i'll add tags as we go along ofc!

Turns out sex with a werewolf isn’t nearly as tantalising as the tales go. All that “man in the streets, wolf in the sheets” stuff? Absolute bullshit.

All Shouyou got out of a night with the local werewolf was hair in places where hair shouldn’t be and an insecure snivelling husk of a man who can’t get his dick up past half-mast unless the moon was full outside. Which is ridiculous, by the way. Nature _really_ did them dirty there. 

And turns out telling said werewolf that they suck balls at sex and leaving them to wallow in their own insecurity and tears is probably as close to giving yourself a death sentence as you can get in this town. 

The next day, he’s cornered by a whole pack of werewolves in an alley with nothing but the small dagger he keeps by his side. As he backtracks towards a wall, they close in at a dangerous pace, baring fangs and claws and bloodlust. The werewolf from last night steps forward with confidence. “What was it you said yesterday? That you’d rather die than have sex with me?” 

No, what Shouyou had actually said was: _I’d rather die than have sex with a lowlife loser with erectile dysfunction and insecurity issues larger than his fully erect dick._ Okay... maybe he deserves this, just a little. 

“Look, buddy, all I did was give you a little positive feedback,” Shouyou placates, knuckles turning white around his iron grip on his dagger. 

This only seems to anger Limp Dick further. He edges closer, snarling, “How is _‘get a better dick before your next fuck’_ positive feedback?”

Shouyou barely suppresses a snicker. “I’m sorry,” he says. 

He really isn’t.

“It’s too fuckin’ late for that,” Limp Dick growls, finally making a decisive pounce towards Shouyou. Well, Shouyou’s lived a good life, even if it means he’ll die with fur he couldn’t wash out of his ass last night.

Suddenly, a shot rings out and before Shouyou knows it, Limp Dick collapses in front of him like a –– er, well, like a limp dick. _There you are._ Shouyou smiles knowingly, there’s only one hunter in the land with that demon-like aim. The rest of the werewolves look down in horror at their pack member bleeding out on the ground. 

“What the fuck, you maniac!” screams one of them at Shouyou.

Never mind that Shouyou wasn’t the one who took a shot at him, he smiles, sickly sweet, and reminds them, “You were going to kill me.”

“He was just going to ask for another chance, asshole!”

 _Oh_. Um... This is awkward. It’s not like he would’ve said yes but a bullet hole through the guy's chest shouldn't have been necessary to indicate his disinterest. Shouyou’s smile melts into an apologetic grimace, “You may want to bring him to a medic before he dies.”

Yellow eyes turn towards him, blind rage burning within. “Not before we fucking kill ya.”

Shouyou stumbles back some more and ends up with his back pressed to the mossy wall. Another shot rips through the air, grazing the ear of the werewolf that approaches Shouyou with vicious ferocity. She whimpers, staggering back and clutching her wounded ear. 

“Oh God, I’m so sorry.” Shouyou winces, trying to signal to his crew member, wherever he’s hidden, to hold fire. “I really think you should leave.”

She glares at him, her snarl dripping venom. “This isn’t over.”

When the pack of werewolves scatter with their tails between their legs and Limp Dick thrown over someone's shoulder, the immediate sight of Sakusa at the entrance of the alleyway with his hunting rifle poised on his shoulder greets Shouyou. 

“You just had to get involved with a werewolf,” Sakusa says when Shouyou approaches. 

Shouyou shrugs. "He seemed hot."

"He seemed like a fuckin' idiot." 

Shouyou doesn't disagree.

"You didn’t have to shoot him, you know," Shouyou informs Sakusa, who only spares him a bored glance. 

Sakusa raises an eyebrow. "I wouldn't have shot if you had just used your dagger to defend yourself. If you tried, you'd have gotten out of that situation easily."

"You know I can't use her to spill blood," Shouyou frowns, twisting the hilt of his dagger in his palm. It's terribly worn, silver yellowed by age. Someone precious to him had given this knife to him when he was just a kid and he'd kept it with him ever since. "Besides, he wasn't even trying to kill me."

“I know,” Sakusa says, slinging his gun behind his back. "I shot because I felt like it."

Shouyou grimaces. Note to self: never make an enemy out of Sakusa Kiyoomi.

"You should've known better! Werewolves can't get fully erect unless it's full moon!"

"How was I supposed to know that?!"

"You clearly weren't listenin' during our werewolf talk last week!"

Shouyou rolls his eyes so hard they almost stay at the back of his head permanently.

Trust Miya Atsumu to turn Shouyou's little fuck-up into a boring fucking lecture. 

It doesn’t matter that Shouyou’s a bandit wanted in seven kingdoms, an outlaw with a huge bounty on his head and a wanted member of a criminal crew feared across the lands; the moment his overbearing, naggy asshole of a leader deems he’s having too much fun on their quests, Shouyou’s suddenly the biggest whore that’s ever graced the lands. 

“As the leader of this crew, I’m gonna put my foot down,” Atsumu says, lips curled into the deep-set frown that’s always sitting heavy on his face. “Stop sleepin’ around with people whenever we stop by taverns, ya hear me? You’re gonna get yourself killed.”

At his leader’s demand, Shouyou folds his arms across his chest defiantly and meets Atsumu’s eyes — the colour of _shit_ , how romantic — with a fixed glare. “Firstly, I don’t only sleep with people. I sleep with anything, I don’t discriminate. Secondly, no, fuck you.”

The furthest Shouyou’s ever went with his one night stands is a merman with a piss kink. Sure, he had a rocking six-pack and a hot-as-fuck beard but the sex was downright harrowing, he’d almost drowned to death in his own urine. 

Atsumu’s frown curves deeper. “Exactly. Fuck _me_. Why do you even need to go to the taverns for sex? Are they any better than me?”

 _So that’s what this is about_ , Shouyou thinks smugly as he basks in the annoyance radiating off his leader, _he’s jealous_. Here’s the thing: they’re sexual partners. When you’re out travelling with your crew for three months at a time with no relief for your post-pubescent horniness except your own calloused hands and a tentacle you’d kept from a previous quest –– don’t ask –– you tend to get desperate. And desperation finds Shouyou jumping Atsumu in his sleep and begging him to _wake the fuck up, Atsumu,_ _just stick your dick up my ass already_. 

In his defence, it wasn’t completely unprecedented. Even before that, the way Atsumu looked at him, raw hunger in his sharp eyes, was enough for Shouyou to confirm that he wanted _something_ too. But while Shouyou only wanted a non-exclusive sexual partner within the crew, Atsumu wanted something beyond that so, well, there was something fundamentally wrong with the nature of their relationship to begin with. 

_Outlaws are outlaws_ , Bokuto told him once, _we don’t do things the right way_. Shouyou then pointed out that Bokuto’s highly functional relationship with his baker boyfriend back at the village was perfect but Bokuto went on to tell him that _no,_ _it’s not, he got a better anniversary gift than I did_ and if Shouyou didn’t think he was fucked up for leading Atsumu on before, he did then. 

Not that he felt any remorse, of course.

And frankly, _no_ , out of everyone Shouyou’s ever had the pleasure of –– _ahem ––_ being acquainted with, almost none of them have ever come close to delivering sex quite like Atsumu does. Because despite his clinginess and trashy personality, Atsumu is really _really_ fucking hot and he’s a god in bed. But because Atsumu likes demanding post-coital cuddles and Shouyou’s an asshole, he tries to make Atsumu shit his pants in anger.

“Well, yeah, Oikawa was great,” Shouyou says, a knowing smile playing on his lips. 

It’s true. Oikawa was fucking _amazing_. They’d met in a little village just south of the volcanic cities, a village that Oikawa already had under complete control when they’d stumbled upon it. He’s a succubus, a high-ranking one at that, and he’d almost quite literally fucked Shouyou to death. Shouyou couldn’t walk without a limp in his step for a week after that, it was great.

“ _The succubus?!_ ” Atsumu hisses. “He almost sucked the fuckin’ life outta ya!”

“You’re overreacting. We had a safe word, it was completely safe.”

That’s also true. But if Shouyou was too weak under the influence of Oikawa’s aphrodisiac to utter _'cabbage'_ as his dick was being sucked dry, Atsumu didn’t need to know.

“It was _not_ safe,” Atsumu insists exasperatedly, his cheeks beginning to flush red with irritance. It’s Shouyou’s favourite colour on him. “You could’ve _died_ if I didn’t intervene.”

“Well, all _you_ did is kill the mood,” Shouyou counters, knowing fully well he’s treading on his leader’s patience.

“Would you rather have been killed instead?” 

“It would’ve been pretty hot.”

Like a string that’s been pulled too taut, something buried deep in Atsumu snaps and he slams a hand down on the table, rising to full height as he does so. Towering over Shouyou easily, his threatening aura is enough to wedge itself in Shouyou’s throat and suffocate him. _Bingo._

“This is why you have to stop fucking around,” Atsumu growls, his voice dropping an octave as he leans in close and crowds into Shouyou’s space. Underneath the table, Shouyou’s dick twitches excitedly.

 _This_ he can fuck with, Shouyou thinks as he wets his lips in anticipation. He’d take domineering and strong and sadistic Atsumu over whiny and needy and insecure Atsumu any day. 

Shouyou meets Atsumu’s glare with a heated gaze, hot and heavy. “Make me.”

Atsumu leans in closer, his eyes beginning to cloud over with lust. Under the intensity of Atsumu’s gaze, latent heat pools deliciously in Shouyou’s gut. “I’m not kiddin’, Shouyou.”

Impatiently, Shouyou snakes a hand around Atsumu’s neck and pulls him close enough to whisper wantonly in his ear, “Neither am I.”

“Fuck you.”

“Exactly.”

With that, their lips meet each other hungrily in a messy kiss over the low table beneath them, teeth clacking painfully and tongues sliding wetly against each other. In the heat of the kiss, Shouyou can taste the zing of rum on Atsumu’s tongue and he quickly clambers on top of the flimsy, near-ancient table to tug off Atsumu’s shirt and run his hands over Atsumu’s firm chest, perfectly chiselled like every single other part of him.

It’s not fair, Shouyou thinks in a distant sort of way, that Atsumu has the body of a god but the personality of a sex-starved orc. If things were a little different, Shouyou thinks maybe he wouldn’t mind going a little past the grey area they’ve caught themselves in.

Shouyou is snapped out of the haze in his mind when something squeezes tightly around his already half-hard cock. He doesn’t know when Atsumu’s hand moved south to palm at his cock but the action makes his hips buck upwards and draws a high-pitched moan from his lips. Underneath him, the table creaks in protest. He parts from the kiss for a second to take in the desire burning like a low flame in Atsumu’s lustful gaze and the heat simmering in the pit of his stomach coils painfully. 

Fumbling with the buttons on Atsumu’s slacks, Shouyou quickly pulls them down along with his underwear and glides his hand along his shaft roughly, pumping his cock to full girth and swallowing every breathless word Atsumu moans into his mouth. Once his cock stands at full attention, Shouyou smiles around the fervid kiss and tightens his hand around its base. Atsumu hisses in shock, flinching away from the kiss to choke out a curse. Taking the opportunity to latch onto Atsumu’s cock with his mouth, he drags his teeth slowly across the head of his cock. 

“ _Fuck_ , Shouyou,” Atsumu groans hoarsely, his fingers treading into Shouyou’s hair gently. “Yeah, just like that.”

Abruptly, Shouyou dives down Atsumu’s cock so that his nose brushes against the hair bunched around his pelvic region and the head of the cock in his mouth grazes the back of his throat. Sweat and precome gather on Shouyou’s tongue and he swallows the flavour of salt and sex greedily, humming in satisfaction as he does so. At the sudden tightening around his cock, Atsumu cries out and tugs painfully at Shouyou’s hair, yanking out a few strands as he does so. Shouyou whines around Atsumu, detaching himself from his cock with a slick _pop_. 

If Atsumu on a daily basis –– all sharp features, sly smirk and perfectly toned muscles slotted in all the right places –– is hot, then Atsumu in bed after a blow job is _sinful_. His dark half-lidded gaze bores into Shouyou’s own, lips parted around small gasps of pleasure. Riding high on his cheeks is the brilliant red flush Shouyou loves more than anything else. Shouyou is so fucking lucky.

“Gentle,” Shouyou warns, his voice trailing off into a moan when Atsumu applies pressure onto his cock, pressing his hand into the crotch of Shouyou’s pants. 

Atsumu, whose hand doesn’t leave Shouyou’s scalp, yanks him so close that their breaths intermingle between their mouths. “Shut up. I’m supposed t’ be teaching you a lesson.”

At his leader’s commanding tone, Shouyou thinks he almost creams himself in his pants right there and then. In an act of defiance, he bites down on Atsumu’s lower lip and smiles at him kittenishly. “Then make sure I don’t forget it.”

Without warning, Atsumu flips Shouyou around so that he’s on his knees and elbows with his ass in the air facing Atsumu. Before he knows it, his pants are down to his ankles, finally setting his cock free of the restraint of his pants and Atsumu already has a slicked-up finger lined up against Shouyou’s asshole. Before Shouyou can get a word in, Atsumu presses a knobbly finger in and Shouyou _keens_ under his touch eagerly, pressing his ass back onto the finger working him open.

Atsumu’s breath is hot against the shell of his ear when he presses his bare chest against Shouyou’s back and whispers, “Tell me, Shouyou, just how many people have ya fucked?”

Despite the ache for _more_ , the sickening urge to drive Atsumu over the edge trumps any shred of sanity he has left in him. “W-What’s it to you?”

The finger in his ass presses earnestly against the bundle of nerves that makes him see stars and he moans shamelessly, loud and needy. Atsumu’s chest, smooth and taut with lean muscle, still bears down on him tightly, and his cock, slick with precome, dangles near Shouyou’s thighs like bait. “Tell me,” Atsumu reiterates, teeth grazing Shouyou’s earlobe.

“Fuck!” Shouyou cries out when another finger enters his hole and brushes against his prostate. “I can’t remember!”

“Why not?” Atsumu snarls, now pumping three fingers in and out of Shouyou at a vicious pace, enough to make Shouyou’s head spin out of his control. 

“I – _fuck_ – you can’t possibly expect me to remember all of them!” Shouyou whines, his muddled thoughts clumping together like a clog in his brain. There’s only one thing on his mind now. “ _God_ , just fuck me already!”

His hand wraps weakly around his untouched cock before Atsumu slaps it away with a sneer. “I’m not fucking you until you tell me, Shouyou.”

Shouyou squeezes his eyes together, trying his best to concentrate on his thoughts amidst the haze of lust fogging his brain. “Maybe like – _ngh, fuck!_ – like twenty.”

“Ya think I believe that? You’re such a _slut_ , Shouyou, you’ve fucked an entire kingdom by now.” A sharp jab at Shouyou’s prostate makes him collapse against his forearms on the table with a groan, finding them too weak to prop himself up as Atsumu continues abusing his hole from behind.

“I – _please_ , Atsumu, put it in,” Shouyou sobs, tears bunching in his eyes as pleasure builds up agonizingly slowly in his gut, bubbling hot and wet as he inches towards his climax. 

Shouyou can almost hear the smirk in Atsumu’s voice when he replies in a low hum, “Only if you promise to stop fucking around with other people.”

Without his fingers up Shouyou’s ass, Atsumu’s routine pettiness and possessiveness by themselves are overbearing and Shouyou’s least favourite thing about Atsumu. Trust that dickhead to be able to turn one of Shouyou’s biggest turn-offs into a tool against him.

“Yes! _God_ , yes,” Shouyou tells him breathlessly, reaching behind to squeeze the cock rubbing enticingly against his thighs. “Put it in already, _please_.”

Atsumu sounds pleased when he croons, “Desperate, aren’t we?” 

With that, he aligns his cock to Shouyou’s ass and slams in with so much force that Shouyou sees white-hot electricity zipping at the back of his eyelids and almost falls off the table. The outcry that it wrenches out of Shouyou’s throat, burning dry and painful, is hoarse and nothing short of needy.

Vaguely, at the back of his mind, Shouyou notes that jealous Atsumu delivers the most mind-blowing sex he can offer. Oikawa can go fuck himself. 

Slowly, Atsumu settles into a steady rhythm, a hand grabbing his waist so tight it might leave bruises, another wrapping around Shouyou’s cock and pumping him in tandem. The short gasps of pleasure from the man pressed tightly against his back only serve to drive him further and further towards his orgasm along with the simulation in both his dick and his ass. 

“How are you still so fucking tight?” Atsumu chokes out and satisfaction stirs in Shouyou’s gut. As good as Atsumu’s making him feel, Shouyou knows this relationship works both ways.

“A-Atsumu, _ngh_ , keep going,” Shouyou pants, tongue falling out of his mouth as he loses his senses altogether. “Oh _fuck_ , yeah, just like that.”

The feeling of an incoming orgasm, rumbling deep from within him and clawing its way out, makes his thighs shiver and arms quake with overwhelming anticipation. “I’m so– I’m so close, Atsumu.”

“Who fucks you like I do, huh?” Atsumu growls, and Shouyou can tell that he’s nearing the edge too.

“Nobody,” Shouyou says weakly but it comes out more like a puff of air. He’s so close that just talking in itself exhausts every last bit of energy left in him. Stars bunch at the corners of his eyelids when he squeezes them shut.

The cock slamming into his ass begins to move at a sloppier, more irregular pace and the hand pumping his cock loosens its grip. “I can’t hear you.”

It takes every last ounce of energy for Shouyou to cry out, “I said, nobody!”

“That’s my boy.”

Shouyou’s almost there, he can feel it. He can feel his climax building up in the pit of his stomach and zipping through his bones like electricity. He’s almost there, _just a little bit more_ and he’ll be cumming into Atsumu’s hand. Indistinct words tumble out of Shouyou's mouth in a mumble. He's so close he can almost taste it on his tongue, he’s––

All of a sudden, the rickety door of their room bursts open with so much force it almost flies off its hinges. Immediately, the cock in his ass stops moving and the orgasm he’s been chasing for the past fuck-knows-how-long flees from his grasp right in front of his eyes. In the doorway stands Bokuto, completely unfazed by the sight that greets him and sporting a wide grin. In his arms are two full potato sacks that he heaves easily into the room. 

“Keep it down in here, ya savages, or the inn keeper’s going to charge us extra gold,” he says good-naturedly like he’s a mother chiding two rowdy children who’re playing too rough, not his crew members who are going at it like nymphs in mating season. 

“Uh, Bokkun,” Atsumu says, deadpan, like his rapidly deflating dick isn’t still shoved up Shouyou’s ass. “Read the room, maybe?”

Shouyou honest-to-God _whines_ , pent-up frustration oozing out of the high-pitched moan of agony that rips through his throat as he feels his erection ebbing away. “Bokuto! I was so close!”

“Maybe don’t scream someone else’s name while I’m still in you,” pipes in Atsumu from behind him, to whom he just flips the finger and promptly, _ugh_ , unsheathes himself from. 

Bokuto only laughs, dropping the potato sacks by the door, still unperturbed by the fact that his two closest friends stand before him stark naked. Blurrily, Shouyou wonders if he should’ve screamed when Bokuto burst through the door –– he and Atsumu are surprisingly just as nonchalant about having their crew member walk in on their _intimate affairs_. “Don’t mind me, I’m just distributing our spoils from the village raid today.”

Shouyou rolls off the table sighing in defeat. “It’s okay, Bokuto-san. Just leave them there."

“God fuckin’ dammit, Bokuto,” Atsumu groans, looking despairingly at his now-flaccid cock. “Way to blue-ball your leader.”

“Sorry about that, 'Tsumu,” Bokuto apologises, pulling his lips into a sheepish smile as his hand makes its way to the door handle. “I’ll take my leave now.”

“Sleep early, Bokkun,” Atsumu says feebly. It’s hard to stay angry at Bokuto for long. “Tomorrow, we leave at dawn.”

“Got it, leader!”

With that, the door slams shut behind him and Shouyou and Atsumu are left to stew in the uncomfortable silence that settles in the room. Atsumu looks between the door and Shouyou with a strange mix of awkwardness and expectancy. 

“Uh, so–”

“Forget it, ‘Tsumu, he just totally killed the mood,” Shouyou sighs, picking up his discarded clothes on the floor and shimmying them on. 

“C’mon, Shouyou,” Atsumu protests. “Let’s just continue where we left off.”

Shouyou doesn’t have the patience to deal with Atsumu right now. He just got denied his one chance to vent out his one week’s worth of pent-up sexual frustration before they’re off on another quest and with Bokuto’s grin planted firmly at the front of his mind, he can’t say he’s really in the mood to fuck anymore. Moreover, whiny Atsumu always makes a reappearance the moment his cock leaves Shouyou’s ass.

“Look, it’s not like you’ve never cockblocked me before, Atsumu,” Shouyou snaps, folding his arms across his chest. “Remember Oikawa?”

“I don’t know how many times you need to hear this but that bastard almost _killed_ you,” Atsumu reiterates.

“You’re so bad at sex I want to die anyway!” retorts Shouyou, who’s already on his way to tucking himself into the musty bed by the window. That statement can’t be further from the truth –– the sex just now proved otherwise –– but it only seems right to counter him with a petty remark. 

Atsumu doesn’t seem to believe him anyway. “Really?” 

“No but I’m going to sleep anyway,” says Shouyou like it’s final. He turns to face the patch of mold on the wall. “Goodnight, ‘Tsumu, we have to wake up at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow.”

From behind him, Atsumu sighs, defeated. “Goodnight, Shouyou.”

Needless to say, their village raid over the next week is nothing short a resounding success. Sure, Shouyou might've gotten half his face burnt off by a fire wizard while looting his potions shop and Bokuto might've almost gotten crushed under a collapsed roof –– but a first-degree burn and a couple of broken bones in exchange for all the supplies they need in preparation for their upcoming castle heist is a success all the same.

"To the Black Jackals!" Bokuto bellows, raising a mug of rum to the dim light.

"To the Black Jackals!" the rest of them echo back with varying degrees of excitement.

They clink their mugs against Bokuto's, Shouyou knocking his mug into Bokuto's with so much vigour it spills rum all over the table and Astumu sporting a lazy grin as he does so. As usual, Sakusa looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here, crowded around a small bar table in a rowdy tavern on the brink of the town they'd just raided.

"You know, maybe you two can have some hardcore celebratory sex tonight," Bokuto suggests crudely, wiggling his eyebrows, "to make up for last week."

At that, Shouyou nearly chokes on the rum he's chugging and chances a glance at Atsumu across the table. Atsumu doesn't say anything but his cheeks are flushed bright red, whether it's from the alcohol or from Bokuto's comment Shouyou doesn't know.

"Gross," Sakusa mutters into his mug.

"I'm just sayin'," Bokuto shrugs. "It'll be a while before we get to another rest stop."

It's true, it's a long way to the kingdom. They'll be travelling for a week and a half before they reach the outskirts of the kingdom and even then, there'll barely be time for them to let off steam while they busy themselves ironing out the details for the big raid. Shouyou looks at Atsumu expectantly.

"No fuckin' way," Atsumu finally says, much to Shouyou's surprise. He directs a glare at Bokuto, then to Shouyou. "Having to heal your stupid injuries has me _beat_. I'm turnin' in early tonight."

To say Shouyou's a _little_ disgruntled is an understatement. Maybe it's his fault for blowing Atsumu off the other day but even so, he was still kind of looking forward to some angry makeup revenge sex tonight. Disappointment tastes acrid on Shouyou's tongue as he assesses the way Atsumu's eyes rake over him boredly then flick away, Atsumu's never been one to blow him off when it came to sex. 

Shouyou swirls the drink in his hand, trying not to sound bitter when he bites out, "Suit yourself."

Atsumu only replies with a noncommittal hum, and Shouyou tries not to let his upset tug his lips into a frown.

By the time Bokuto's collapsed on the table muttering under his breath about how he met Akaashi, most of the patrons of the tavern have cleared out and the big booming laughter bouncing off the walls of the tavern has dulled to a low buzz. Before Atsumu hauls a drunk-off-his-ass Bokuto off with Sakusa, he turns back to remind Shouyou to meet them back at the inn the next morning so they can set off early. 

"Whatever, dickhead," Shouyou mutters, watching as they take their leave and allowing his eyes to roam around the almost-empty tavern, in search of a good fuck to take his mind off stupid Miya Atsumu.

A group of ogres passed out by the door. Ogres smell bad _and_ come with a garbage personality. Out of the question.

A faery fluttering by the counter. It physically wouldn't work. He's the size of Shouyou's palm.

A werewolf at the table beside him. _Ugh_ _._ Not happening. 

An elf a little further than that. He doesn't fuck with elves, they're so small it makes him feel like a child predator.

Shouyou chews his bottom lip intently. Is there not a single decent being left?

Then he spots a lone hooded man seated at the far back corner of the tavern and his interest piques. Under the dim light, Shouyou can't tell much about him other than the fact that he seems tall and well-built under that hood of his. Hair the colour of ebony peeks out of his hood and falls over his eyes as he mulls over a mug in hand. As the stranger raises a hand to call for a refill, his hood shifts to reveal a set of stunning Caribbean blue eyes, carved into place by sharp features and a scowl. Shouyou feels like he's been punched in the gut. He licks his lips in anticipation.

_Jackpot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that concludes my first ever attempt at writing smut :') sorry that kageyama has yet to be fully introduced but i didn't want to add too much smut into one chapter HAHA i mean we all know where that's leading 
> 
> here are the rest of their roles for now!
> 
> atsumu - leader + warlock/mage  
> shouyou - ninja (?) like he steals stuff for them  
> bokuto - warrior + archer  
> sakusa - hunter/gunner 
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated! stay tuned for more! also, i post art on twitter sometimes @shuoyos


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